If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
