How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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