Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
did i just pee glitter
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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