I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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