fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
