Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
