My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
