What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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