Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
