I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
