You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
