he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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