I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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