Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he shaved USA in his pubs
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
