So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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