Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
