the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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