First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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