I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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