just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
