party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
