I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
