Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
