Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
