i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
