The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
