I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
In America we eat man semen.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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