To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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