im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
