Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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