How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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