Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
