yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
