I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
