pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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