from now on my penis is your penis
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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