He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
