my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
