I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
