just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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