I met the friendliest cop last night
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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