what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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