If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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