i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
