What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize