a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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