it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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