My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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