At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
