Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
