she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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