Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
