Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
