uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
