a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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