He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
