Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
