I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I could fuck to npr.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
