did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
