i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
